{"id":133,"date":"2013-09-09T06:46:59","date_gmt":"2013-09-09T04:46:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/?p=133"},"modified":"2014-08-18T08:27:20","modified_gmt":"2014-08-18T06:27:20","slug":"la-porte-bordel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/?p=133","title":{"rendered":"La porte, bordel!"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/dot.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Tumblr\",\"VKontakte\",\"Email\",\"Print\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"big\";var hupso_twitter_via = \"BenHowl1\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_twitter_via=\"BenHowl1\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"La porte, bordel!\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>Tous les matins<br \/>\nTOUS les matins<br \/>\nTOUS LES MATINS<\/p>\n<p>de la semaine<\/p>\n<p>avant de prendre le m\u00e9tro<\/p>\n<p>pour aller au boulot<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; je vais \u00eatre \u00e0 la bourre<\/p>\n<p>tout est pr\u00eat\u00a0?<\/p>\n<p>CHECK:<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; fen\u00eatre du salon<\/p>\n<p>FERM\u00c9E<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; lumi\u00e8re des WC<\/p>\n<p>\u00c9TEINTE<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; lumi\u00e8re de la salle de bain<\/p>\n<p>(TOUJOURS&#8230;) PAS DE LUMI\u00c8RE<\/p>\n<p>(depuis des lustres)<\/p>\n<p>(ceci dit c&rsquo;est bon, j&rsquo;ai \u00e9teint la bougie)<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; fen\u00eatre de la cuisine<\/p>\n<p>FERM\u00c9E<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; plaques chauffantes<\/p>\n<p>\u00c9TEINTES<\/p>\n<p>(de toute fa\u00e7on \u00e7a fait longtemps que je<\/p>\n<p>ne les utilise plus le matin<\/p>\n<p>de peur de les laisser allum\u00e9es toute la journ\u00e9e)<\/p>\n<p>Tout \u00e7a &#8211; je le v\u00e9rifie<\/p>\n<p>au moins deux fois.<\/p>\n<p>Juste avant d&rsquo;y aller<\/p>\n<p>je choppe une pomme<\/p>\n<p>la derni\u00e8re du panier \u00e0 fruits<\/p>\n<p>mon petit d\u00e9jeuner<\/p>\n<p>sur le chemin jusqu&rsquo;au m\u00e9tro<\/p>\n<p>je la coince dans ma gueule<\/p>\n<p>comme une balle ramen\u00e9e par un<\/p>\n<p>berger allemand<\/p>\n<p>et je ferme la porte.<\/p>\n<p>Dans les escaliers de l&rsquo;immeuble<\/p>\n<p>deux \u00e9tages plus bas<\/p>\n<p>parfois au rez-de-chauss\u00e9e<\/p>\n<p>parfois aussi dans la rue<\/p>\n<p>et une fois m\u00eame<\/p>\n<p>dans le m\u00e9tro<\/p>\n<p>o\u00f9 j&rsquo;ai d\u00fb faire demi-tour<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; c&rsquo;est l\u00e0 que \u00e7a se d\u00e9clenche\u00a0:<\/p>\n<p><b>EST-CE QUE J&rsquo;AI BIEN FERM\u00c9 MA PORTE \u00c0 CL\u00c9<\/b><\/p>\n<p><b>?<\/b><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/WordPress3\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/ma-porte-d-entree.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-134\" src=\"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/WordPress3\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/ma-porte-d-entree.jpg\" alt=\"ma porte d entree\" width=\"1024\" height=\"768\" srcset=\"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/WordPress3\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/ma-porte-d-entree.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/WordPress3\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/ma-porte-d-entree-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>C&rsquo;est un truc<\/p>\n<p>comme une pression dans mon cr\u00e2ne<\/p>\n<p>dans les m\u00e9andres de mon cerveau<\/p>\n<p>un coup de flip<\/p>\n<p>qui me hante<\/p>\n<p>qui m&rsquo;obs\u00e8de<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; un TOC<\/p>\n<p>ou un TIC<\/p>\n<p>je sais plus<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; un truc<\/p>\n<p>stupide<\/p>\n<p>et contagieux<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; le geste est tellement devenu un r\u00e9flexe<\/p>\n<p>que t&rsquo;es m\u00eame plus s\u00fbr de l&rsquo;avoir fait.<\/p>\n<p>\u00ab\u00a0\u00c9videmment qu&rsquo;elle est ferm\u00e9e, ta porte\u00a0!<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Mmm t&rsquo;es s\u00fbr\u00a0?<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Non\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n<p>Souvent je me rassure\u00a0: \u00ab\u00a0Oui oui c&rsquo;est bon&#8230;\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n<p>mais le doute met longtemps \u00e0 se dissiper<\/p>\n<p>et j&rsquo;ai comme un trou d&rsquo;air<\/p>\n<p>\u00e7a m&rsquo;angoisse<\/p>\n<p>me trotte dans la t\u00eate<\/p>\n<p>jusqu&rsquo;\u00e0 la station de m\u00e9tro<\/p>\n<p>Pour me convaincre que c&rsquo;est OK,<\/p>\n<p>pas besoin de v\u00e9rifier<\/p>\n<p>je me dis m\u00eame\u00a0:<\/p>\n<p>\u00ab\u00a0Il y a rien \u00e0 voler chez toi de toute fa\u00e7on.<\/p>\n<p>Et tu crois que les voleurs vont s&rsquo;amuser<\/p>\n<p>\u00e0 aller dans TON immeuble<\/p>\n<p>et \u00e0 gravir TOUS CES \u00c9TAGES<\/p>\n<p>pour voler quoi\u00a0?<\/p>\n<p>Un ordi, une guitare et un paquet de cacahu\u00e8tes\u00a0?!\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n<p>Parfois je succombe &#8211;<\/p>\n<p>je remonte \u00e0 mon \u00e9tage<\/p>\n<p>pour v\u00e9rifier<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; \u00e9videmment qu&rsquo;elle est ferm\u00e9e, ma porte\u00a0!\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n<p>et quand je redescends<\/p>\n<p>BIM &#8211; \u00e7a ne manque pas\u00a0:<\/p>\n<p><b>EST-CE QUE J&rsquo;AI BIEN REFERM\u00c9 MA PORTE \u00c0 CL\u00c9<\/b><\/p>\n<p><b>QUAND J&rsquo;AI V\u00c9RIFI\u00c9 QU&rsquo;ELLE \u00c9TAIT FERM\u00c9E<\/b><\/p>\n<p><b>?<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/dot.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Tumblr\",\"VKontakte\",\"Email\",\"Print\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"big\";var hupso_twitter_via = \"BenHowl1\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_twitter_via=\"BenHowl1\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"La porte, bordel!\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>Tous les matins TOUS les matins TOUS LES MATINS de la semaine avant de prendre le m\u00e9tro pour aller au boulot &#8211; je vais \u00eatre \u00e0 la bourre tout est pr\u00eat\u00a0? CHECK: &#8211; fen\u00eatre du salon FERM\u00c9E &#8211; lumi\u00e8re des WC \u00c9TEINTE &#8211; lumi\u00e8re de la salle de bain (TOUJOURS&#8230;) PAS DE LUMI\u00c8RE (depuis des [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[160,4],"class_list":["post-133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-le-coin-de-ben-howl","tag-porte","tag-stupide"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=133"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":887,"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133\/revisions\/887"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stupideetcontagieux.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}